Maggie Shnayerson

Recovering Journalist Was Taken

Two Things To Avoid Doing On National TV

Please smack the two kids CNN just interviewed in TImes Square. The first (“Patrick works at the Times Square TKTS booth,”) for declaring himself personally frightened by the successive and entirely predictable deaths of Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and now Michael Jackson. Also for realizing too late that bemoaning the loss of (hand over heart no less) “Such a great man, that I grew up with,” might be misinterpreted by the national audience. Second guy for being a journalist willing to give an interview to another journalist about a subject upon which he is in no particular way qualified to speak, apart from happening to belong to the age cohort the correspondent was looking for. Oh, and managing to get both “y’know” and “like” in during his 14 seconds on a major network.

Sorry, Neel...

  • Dude I Know: so i was reading this month's GQ...
  • Dude I Know: and there was an article up front
  • Maggie Shnayerson: snort
  • Maggie Shnayerson: go on, go on, pardon me
  • Dude I Know: that i started reading
  • Dude I Know: and i’m a paragraph or two in and thinking to myself... god, what a douchebag who wrote this
  • Maggie Shnayerson: i'm already laughing
  • Dude I Know: it was about a guy who lost interest in a girl because she was wearing jeans from two seasons ago
  • Dude I Know: so i look to see who wrote it...
  • Maggie Shnayerson: Someone gay?
  • Dude I Know: drum roll...
  • Dude I Know: neel shah
  • Maggie Shnayerson: HAHAAA
Dear CNN,
Thus far, you have yet to send me a ‘Breaking News’ alert regarding “the dissolution of the ten-year marriage of Jon and Kate Gosselin.”
I appreciate that thoughtfulness.
Don’t you dare fuck it up at the top of the hour.
Love, Maggie

Dear CNN,

Thus far, you have yet to send me a ‘Breaking News’ alert regarding “the dissolution of the ten-year marriage of Jon and Kate Gosselin.”

I appreciate that thoughtfulness.

Don’t you dare fuck it up at the top of the hour.

Love, Maggie

Marcia Gay Harden is my new hero. Plus, she looked AWESOME.
Okay. I’m sorry. The three little Broadway Billy Elliots may have gone home with some nice mantel-candy tonight, but their performances had nothing on Jamie Bell, who’s now this gorgeous to boot.
There’s just no way that anyone in the audience at the Tonys tonight didn’t instinctively go—“Doooooogie!”—when the ceremony’s fabulously hilarious host Neil Patrick Harris strolled to the mic.
There’s just no way that anyone in the audience at the Tonys tonight didn’t instinctively go—“Doooooogie!”—when the ceremony’s fabulously hilarious host Neil Patrick Harris strolled to the mic.
So the thoroughbreds in the Belmont Stakes took off a half hour ago in New York; jockey Calvin Borel was on Derby winner Mine That Bird, the even favorite. 

Borel, if you’ll recall, is the two-time Derby winner who rode filly Rachel Alexander earlier this month to her Preakness win.

He also happens to have an eighth-grade education from Atchafalaya Basin in the heart of Cajun Louisiana, the bosom of American match-racing and the country’s biggest swamp.

So before Mine That Bird came in third tonight, ABC’s idiot ESPN commentator made sure to characterize Borel as “a kind of Forrest Gump” of racing and “comfort food” for us all.

I’m pretty sure that doesn’t even count as coded language. Why didn’t the asshole just call him retarded white trash and be done with it?

I shall take solace in the fact that Borel regularly earns a million dollars in 2.5 minutes while the newscaster moron has to work all year for half that, if he’s lucky.

So the thoroughbreds in the Belmont Stakes took off a half hour ago in New York; jockey Calvin Borel was on Derby winner Mine That Bird, the even favorite.

Borel, if you’ll recall, is the two-time Derby winner who rode filly Rachel Alexander earlier this month to her Preakness win.

He also happens to have an eighth-grade education from Atchafalaya Basin in the heart of Cajun Louisiana, the bosom of American match-racing and the country’s biggest swamp.

So before Mine That Bird came in third tonight, ABC’s idiot ESPN commentator made sure to characterize Borel as “a kind of Forrest Gump” of racing and “comfort food” for us all.

I’m pretty sure that doesn’t even count as coded language. Why didn’t the asshole just call him retarded white trash and be done with it?

I shall take solace in the fact that Borel regularly earns a million dollars in 2.5 minutes while the newscaster moron has to work all year for half that, if he’s lucky.